when do you listen to fate?

So, most of you who know me probably know that I'm a fairly firm believer in fate. This is not to say that I don't also think that we have control over our lives, but a lot of times I like to narrow my options down and then let destiny/fate decide. I've done this for some major things in my life. For example, I basically let fate decide where I went to college. I applied to the schools that I was interested in, and believe that if I didn't get into my top choices (which I didn't) then I probably wasn't supposed to go there. That's how I ended up at Grinnell, and all in all, fate did a good job.

That being said, sometimes I worry about my relationship with Jimmy because of my relationship with fate. Although most times I do manipulate my fate to be what I want it to be, when the things I can't control happen I think that there's probably a reason. Thus, when Jimmy was denied twice for a student visa my natural inclination is to believe that maybe he's not supposed to come to the United States. I know that this is fairly illogical, and obviously I'm not listening to fate by pursuing another visa, but still, a part of me can't help but think that we are destined to fail because we pursued another avenue of immigration when clearly the signs said that he shouldn't come here, that maybe we shouldn't be together.

And, of course, there is always the other side of the issue, that maybe fate wanted to push us to work harder for a visa, to challenge us, and if we can survive than we deserve the happy outcome.

But all of this doesn't stop me from sometimes thinking that maybe we aren't supposed to be. As much as we love each other maybe fate has already given us our answer and we just haven't listened. And what will our fate be for not listening to fate...

PS: I know, this whole strong belief in fate is strange coming from someone who doesn't even believe in God.